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(Steve) Skinner's poem of the week is...'The Unwashed Monarchy'. You can click on this post to read the poem..!
...and now it's time for Skinner & T'witch's regular feature...(Steve) Skinner's Poem of the Week...
The Unwashed Monarchy
Queen Elizabeth the First was really none the worse
for stating ‘royal baths I will not take!
Who needs soap and lather – we defeated the Armada!’
she said, when having drinks with Francis Drake.
Now, Mary Queen of Scots had some very nasty spots
from often laying far too long in bed,
locked up in her tower with no access to a shower.
Though no one noticed once she lost her head.
His Majesty King John had quite a nasty pong,
so the Magna Cater rebels made him sign,
as well as giving rights to his nobles and his knights,
that he’d wash and dry his trousers on the line.
Never could there be a stronger queen than Boadicea,
who resolutely washed just once a year.
Though the Romans said they’d beat her,
it took ages to defeat her,
as the legions just refused to get too near.
The vicious Viking bands
always washed their blood-stained hands,
both before and after casual slaughter.
It’s a timeless Danish way to use an anti-septic spray,
and they often bathed their feet in soapy water.
The English Anglo-Saxons nearly always kept their hats on,
when sitting in their ornamental ponds.
The pagans and the druids would wash with natural fluids,
using metal soap they made from ancient bronze.
With King Henry the Fifth you often caught a wiff
of onions and unfermented yeast.
Richard the Lion-heart would make a joyful, fruity fart,
from eating too much spice while in the East.
Poor old George the Third hardly ever heard
of monarchs loving showering or shaving.
He really could not cope with a bar of royal soap,
which started all his ranting and his raving.
Through rarely being clean, the English King and Queen
often led the nation with a pong.
Like a ripened cheese, their royal majesties
can truly say they made our country strong.
Steve Skinner Copyright 2018